Of Angst and Love
by GandalfTheBass
Summary: Kirk is suffering from depression at the loss of Edith Keeler. He develops a drinking habit, and loses command. McCoy is there to help.
1. Chapter 1

Chapter 1

Scotty slid into bed, sighing. Today had certainly been a tough piece of haggis. Captain Kirk hadn't even been relieved yet. Starship rule number 886 clearly stated that no captain under the influence of alcohol could operate a starship. Yes, Captain Kirk had certainly been taking it hard with the alcohol. Ever since he had gone back in time and Edith Keeler, the woman he loved, had died, he had been very upset. Captain Kirk had always liked women very much, but Spock had said that Kirk had been more in love with her than any woman he had met before. 'The captain is my friend,' thought Scotty, 'I feel for him.'

The captain hadn't been too bad, just a little mournful. His orders hadn't been too out of the blue, but if he kept drinking, and clouding his mind, they probably would be soon. After a restless night of sleep, Scotty awoke the next morning, slipped on his red shirt, poured himself a cup of coffee and made his way over to the bridge, still groggy. The only ones on the bridge were Spock and Chekov, no one else had gotten there yet. "Morning, Mr. Scott," said Spock. "Morning Scotty!" said Chekov.

The captain stumbled in. He still had stubble on his chin and he had no boots on. Scotty and Spock exchanged questioning looks. Scotty could tell they were both thinking the same thing. He went over to Mr. Spock's station. "Sir? The captain doesn't look so good."

"Mr. Scott, it does appear that the captain is not fit for command. He looks terrible and I can smell from here – alcohol."

"That's not just any alcohol – that's moonshine."

Chekov gave Scotty a questioning look. "Lieutenant Uhura, contact sickbay," said Spock, "and order Doctor McCoy to come to the bridge."

"Yes, sir," replied Uhura, who had just come onto the bridge. Spock came over to the captain. "Captain," he said, "it does not appear that you are fit for duty anymore."

Kirk's jaw dropped open and he blinked three times. "But I am perfectly capable, Mr. Spock. Is it because I didn't shave? Is that was this is about?"

"Well, no Captain, but you usually do shave. It is unusual for you not to. Are you feeling alright?"

"WHAT DO YOU THINK SPOCK? THE WOMAN I LOVED JUST DIED! DO YOU THINK I DON'T HAVE EMOTIONS LIKE YOU SPOCK? DO YOU THINK SO? DO YOU THINK EVERYTHING IS ALRIGHT NOW? HUH?"

Spock didn't know what to say. Scotty glanced around at some of the other crew members on the bridge. Uhura was raising her eyebrows as high as they could go. Chekov's eyes were as big as saucers. Thankfully, Doctor McCoy happened to walk in just then. Seeing everyone in a state of shock, McCoy knew that something had happened. The captain made low growling sounds in the back of his throat. "Uhura, plot a course for Vulcan," he barked. "We'll destroy them all!" He had a crazed look in his eyes. "Warp twelve, Mr. Sulu!"

"I'm Chekov!" exclaimed the ensign. "Mr. Sulu's not here yet. And I plot courses, not Uhura!"

Captain Kirk let out a huge scream of rage. McCoy jabbed him with a hypo, releasing a sedative. Kirk slumped in his chair. "Security to bridge. Please come and take Captain Kirk away from here."

Kirk mumbled something under the heavy sedation. It was inaudible, but Scotty thought he said something like, "more drink."

"Lieutenant Uhura, please transmit the security feed from the past ten minutes to Starfleet Command and explain to them while Kirk is no longer in command." Spock sank into the captain's chair, no expression on his Vulcan face. Scotty suspected that no matter how hard he tried, he couldn't control the screaming in his mind.

"Mr. Spock, sir?" Chekov's voice cracked. "Um, should I follow the captain's last orders?"

"No, Chekov, continue on to Tallus Seven."

Spock pressed the intercom button on his chair. "I have taken command of this vessel. If you see Captain Kirk, he is under the influence of alcohol and do not take orders from him."


	2. Chapter 2

Spock walked in to sickbay, weary. He wondered how long he would have to be captain. He didn't like being in command of the whole ship. He was sure he couldn't take all the chances and risks like Kirk. He liked to play it safe. He decided to help Captain Kirk get recover from the pain of his loss.

The captain was just awaking as he came in. Spock stood at the end of his bed. He appeared to be sober now.

"Hello, captain. Are you felling well?" Spock asked.

Kirk groaned. "I'm okay, but I have a terrible hangover." Both his hands were clasped over his temples.

Spock inwardly rolled his eyes, "Drinking only has disadvantages, captain." He decided to get to the point. "I came to see if you wanted to talk about Edith Keeler."

At first, Kirk looked shocked, as if the name was poisonous, but then his eyes narrowed and his nostrils flared. His mouth turned into a sneer and he started shaking. Spock could tell he was getting angry, but for what?

Then, the captain exploded. "YOU ARE THE UGLIEST, NASTIEST, MOST INSENSITIVE, INCONSIDERATE, USELESS PIECE OF TRASH I HAVE EVER SEEN IN MY LIFE! YOU ARE A UGLY GOBLIN IN THE FORM OF A VULCAN! HOW DARE YOU EVER SPEAK HER NAME IN FRONT OF ME! YOU WILL NEVER EVER KNOW WHAT THIS FEELS LIKE! AND YOU MAKE FUN OF MY DRINKING! LIKE I WOULD EVER TALK TO YOU!

The captain let out a scream and a string of swear words. Spock hurried out of sickbay and started towards the bridge. He had honestly wanted to help. He had never known the captain to act like this. It was frustrating. He sure hoped all humans didn't act like this when someone close to them died.

McCoy had heard Kirk yelling ferociously a few minutes ago. He had been doing an operation for a redshirt with some bad third - degree burns, so he hadn't been able to intervene. He turned the corner, only to find that Kirk had stolen the saurian brandy from his desk drawer. But this time he wasn't getting angrier, he was just sipping it slowly on his bed, looking sad. McCoy came closer to see that his friend was actually crying. Bones had never the captain cry – until today.

He sat down on the bed beside him and put his arm on the younger man's shoulder. "Jim, it gonna be okay. You saved the world. That's the way she would have wanted it. You did the right thing, you always do and you always will. That's why she loved you."

More tears poured down his face. He dropped the bottle of brandy, and it shattered onto the floor, but McCoy could care less. Jim was the most important thing right now. They had been friends for years, and the good doctor couldn't let Kirk down when he needed him the most.


	3. Chapter 3

"Bones, can I tell you something?"

"Sure Jim, anything."

"Well, this is a little hard to admit, but I've never been in a serious relationship before. I don't even think I've even ever loved someone before. I know everyone thinks I have because of all my girlfriends, but I never even knew what love was until I met her. She was everything. She was beautiful, kind, and she always knew the right thing. She was so confident, so..."

Kirk bit his lip to keep from crying. Bones hugged his friend. Of course, the doctor had been through all of this heartbreak before, with all his lovers, his ex – wife, and leaving his only daughter with her nasty mother to go to space. Even being through all of this, McCoy found it hard to imagine only knowing love for a few days, then having it stolen from you by fate.

The doctor couldn't help, but regret not following the proper hypo – carrying protocols that day. He could have saved Kirk from mountains of heartbreak. But McCoy knew better than to blame himself for what happened. There was no changing it now. Besides, if Jim hadn't met Edith, then he would have never have felt love. He wouldn't have memories of those few days he knew her to cherish forever, once he got past the pain.

"Jim, you know what my grandaddy always said to me?"

"Uh.. no."

"He said, Its better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all."

Kirk stopped biting his lip for a moment and though about what the doctor just said. Once he turned it over in his head a few times, he started nodding.

"You're right Bones, I am glad that I got to meet her. You don't meet people like that everyday."

Kirk then gave McCoy a hug, to say thank you. After about a minute, both men pulled away. Kirk frowned.

"What is it Jim?" McCoy asked, confused. He thought Kirk was feeling better now.

"Its just..." he paused, "Well, I think she would be disappointed in me, for how I treated Spock earlier."

McCoy almost felt like laughing. He was so glad Kirk wasn't crying and drinking anymore that everything else seemed like nothing.

"Everybody has little fits every now and then. You just need to apologize. If there's one thing that woman was, she was understanding."

Kirk smiled.


	4. Chapter 4

Kirk pressed the intercom outside Spock's quarters. He carried an apology in his throat and a six – pack of beer in his hand.

"Come." said Spock in an emotionless voice.

The door slid open and Kirk entered. Spock was sitting at his desk in his thinking position. His eyes widened at the sight of the captain.

Kirk grinned, "Did you miss me?"

He sat down across from Spock and tossed him a beer. The vulcan barely caught the drink and looked at the human across from him curiously.

"Go on, open it."

Spock did so, still not saying anything.

"Spock, I came to apologize for the way I was acting. I really, honestly did not mean a single thing that I said. I depressed and angry, and..., well I'm sorry. I wasn't myself when I was drinking either. I guess the beer was kind of an inappropriate apologizing gift." Kirk laughed at himself.

"Spock come on, you haven't touched it."

"Captain, I do not favor alcoholic drinks. You come to apologize, but make me drink alcohol, which I don't like. I don't understand humans, they are illogical beings. However I accept your apology, but not the drink."

Kirk made his puppy face. Spock knew he would have to drink the beer sooner or later, so he emptied the bottle in one gulp. Anyway, the Jim had just been through a lot, so Spock figure he should make him happy. About five seconds later, he fell to the ground.

Kirk pressed the intercom and said guiltily, "Bones, I'm afraid we have a drunk Vulcan."

McCoy laughed heartily. It was good to have things back to normal.


End file.
